Thursday, December 17, 2015

OKCupid Frustration

The next few days were devoted to working on my/our OKCupid profile. The goals for the profile were three-fold:

1. We wanted to present enough about me and our relationship to let potentially interested women know what's going on. That we're investigating honest and responsible non-monogamy, and that I'm on the site with the Sensual Goddess's blessing and active interest.

2. We wanted to be clear about what we're looking for - a partnered/polyamorous woman who's looking for something extra in an honest and responsible way, but not looking to change her home situation.

3. We wanted to stay non-identifiable in case any of SG's single friends stumbled on the profile.

"Non-identifiable" was the hard part...especially the profile pic. I looked through years of pics, and finally found one I liked - a pic from a hiking trip where I'm in profile with a nice woods/mountains background. SG had reservations ("I'd know that's you immediately"), but we decided that while it might be obvious to very close friends, it would probably be fine for more casual acquaintances.

So we were finally posted with a profile pic. I was happy with what we had - I think it was clear about who we are and what we're looking for. We looked through matches together every night, and it was a fun game. I wrote some messages - and for the most part got no response. That wasn't a big surprise, as I'm sure the few women who identify as polyamorous/non-monogamous are *flooded* with interest.

A few weeks went by. We continued browsing, I sent some messages, got a few responses, had a couple of back-and-forth conversations...but nothing seemed to be going anywhere.

Frustrated and with a few free minutes at lunch one day, I took what we'd written on our OKC profile, put it into a few paragraphs, and posted it into the Craigslist "men seeking women" want ads. I'm a big CL guy for buying and selling things, but the "personals" section was new to me. I'd heard it's a cesspool of spam and scam artists, but it's free to place an ad, so what did I have to lose?

I liked that it was a text-only medium with no profile pic expected. If I got any responses, we could e-mail back and forth and get to know each other before exchanging pics.

I posted the ad - and within three hours had two responses that both sounded legitimate from real local women in the same basic situation.

(To be continued)