Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Twenty Years Ago Today

No, this has nothing to do with Sgt. Pepper. I realized recently that the date was sticking in my head...that something had happened that I should remember. And then it hit me - it was the anniversary of my first marriage. And not only the anniversary, but twenty years. Wow, that's a long time.

The realization brought up memories, both sad and happy. Sad, obviously, because of how the relationship and the marriage ended. In hindsight, I realize that I went into it hopelessly innocent and naive. It was my first real relationship, and I see now that I was trying to follow in my parents' footsteps...young, full of high hopes and good intentions, and blissfully unaware of the rough road ahead. But while I'm sad about how it ended, I've long since stopped beating myself up - maybe I didn't always handle things as skillfully as I could have, but I tried my honest best.

But there are also memories from that day that still make me smile. And that have nothing to do with my ex-wife.

The wedding was a standard formal wedding - a church ceremony in the afternoon, followed by a reception at a hotel banquet hall. When the reception ended, people were still in a charged up and celebrating, so we continued the evening in the hotel bar. The drinks were flowing, and everyone was dancing, and I became aware that my new wife's girlfriends and co-workers were looking at me in a way I had never been looked at before - with undisguised lust.

The realization hit me like a bolt of electricity - that these hot young things were looking at *me* that way. I guess the day had gone so well that they were imagining themselves as brides, and I guess I looked pretty good as a bridegroom. Whatever the case, I had a few drinks in me by that point, and was having decidedly non-faithful thoughts just hours into my new marriage.

Of course I didn't follow up on any of the smoldering looks being flashed my way. I was Mr. Straight-and-Narrow in those innocent days - my imagination was as wicked as ever, but I don't think there was any possible way I would have acted on my wicked thoughts - on any night, let alone my wedding night!

I look back on that night with a smile as probably the high-water-mark of my desirability as a man - the one night in my life when I had a roomful of hotties wishing they were the one with me. I don't say that with any bitterness - I'm infinitely more comfortable with who I am now, and wouldn't go back there for all the money in the world. But I'll admit I had many a fantasy of how I might have taken advantage of things that night. It's a fun memory.


  1. I can relate to a lot of what you've written here. No, I was never married before Jill, and twenty years ago I was barely a teenager. But I remember the intense feelings I had for my first couple serious girlfriends. I, too, was innocent and naive, and I tried to live up to the example set by my parents' marriage. At that age I took people at their word because I myself was an honest person. Needless to say it didn't always work in my favor.

    Additionally, your description of yourself at your wedding is familiar, as is the "undisguised lust" with which your wife's girlfriends and co-workers looked at you. Though I wouldn't have acted on my "wicked thoughts" or taken advantage of those of someone else - certainly not on my wedding day - I was far from Mr. Straight-and-Narrow at that point in my life; during my twenties I honed flirting into an art form and I'm still pretty flirty to this day. Still, I didn't quite notice at the time (owing more to alcohol and general euphoria than my naivete, which by the time I got married was long gone) but while dancing with me a high school classmate of my wife was making near-constant references to sex. And I'd gotten "the eye" from a few of the women at the wedding.

    I felt like a celebrity that day. (So did Jill.) I don't know if it was the high-water-mark of my desirability as a man, because honestly I feel desirable pretty much every day of my life. But it might have been the high-water-mark up until that point. I, too, felt like all of Jill's bridesmaids - even some of her sisters, perhaps - wished that they could have had me, but that didn't make me regret getting married. I just found it flattering, even though I'm guessing some of it may have been in my head.

    Happy Anniversary, for whatever it's worth to you.


  2. No doubt you looked good as the groom! For some women though, it's about having a freshly married man (not necessarily picturing themselves as your bride) - no offense to your desirability and hopelessness. :D

  3. Having a realization like that hit you is pretty intense! What a naughty memory, but one well worth keeping.

  4. Isn;t it interesting what things we remember? Have a good week.

  5. I think we should repeat this experiment with a roomful of blog hotties. I suspect it would take a great deal of restraint to keep their lust under wraps...