Friday, November 12, 2010

Property: Objections

(Continuation of thoughts from here.)

I can hear the objections now:

1. You just want to be able to run around guilt-free. No, I'm not saying that I want something I would deny to anyone else - I think that everyone should be able to have the experiences they feel they need, without guilt.

2. It would be chaos. Maybe, but it would be honest chaos, and I think what we have now is dis-honest chaos. There are a lot of unhappy and frustrated people who think that doing what they feel they need would make them "bad" people. I say, "drop the guilt, drop the shame, you're a good person who's doing what's completely natural. Go and enjoy."

3. Jealousy isn't just going to fall away. I know, and that's a big issue. But the only way out I see is to start thinking in a new way. As soon as we stop thinking about our partners as our property, the sooner it follows that we all have needs and want experiences, and that's okay.

4. What about the children? Absolutely, children need to be taken care of and brought up in a safe and loving environment. The decision to have children has to be conscious (and birth control is generally reliable enough that it *can* be conscious.) This is really a separate issue. I don't have a specific proposal here, but I also note that as a society, we're not currently doing a wonderful job making sure that all children are brought up safe, healthy and loved - so I don't think I'm proposing the tearing down of a system that works.

All of this is meant more as food for thought than as a concrete proposal. It would require way more honesty than I think most people are used to dealing with, and it would require a great deal of personal responsibility (again, more than many people are used to taking.)

I really don't think that love is a fixed quantity - that giving some there means that there's less here. Dismiss this as utopian and unrealistic, but I really don't see why it couldn't work. And maybe not for everyone, but certainly for those who decide they want to live that way.

I think that some people are actually putting this into practice - brave souls who are either underground or just don't care that the mainstream would regard them as freaks. I hope the day is coming when people feel free to be more honest about what they want.


  1. Again, I cannot agree more on this!

    Jealousy - while it may not fall away easily, it should fall away. Jealousy is a terrible emotion. It is hurtful and painful, and society would be better off without it.

    Children - The more open and honest we are with our relationships, the better our children will be. Children are not stupid! They can sense our happiness or unhappiness. If we teach them through our example about open, honest communication, we will help them create a world free of jealousy and all those other bad words from the previous post.

    Love is about sharing and caring! Loving here doesn't mean you can't love somewhere else as well.

    Thanks for such thought-provoking posts!

  2. I agree with everything as well, but even I have some trouble letting go of possession, envy and even jealousy. Change takes years and years...