Thursday, November 11, 2010

On People as Property

I find the "infidelity" blogs thought-provoking. There are obviously a lot of people out there not getting what they need from their spouse/partner, and they've decided to do something about it. And not only do something about it, but tell the world about it too.

I salute this, because I think everyone needs to wake up and realize that they're responsible for, first, actually acknowledging their needs, and then figuring out how to satisfy them.

In most cases, there's a subtext of lying and sneaking around - trying to keep secrets from the spouse/partner. And there's usually some explicit or implied guilt associated with that. Because, after all, the cultural assumption (that only hippies or weirdos ever challenge) is that committing yourself to one person is the only normal and natural thing to do.

You'd better choose wisely (and be very lucky,) because that one person is responsible for all of your companionship, intimacy, and sexual desires. Getting any of these needs met from any other source is completely taboo, and it would be socially acceptable for the wronged partner to scream, cry, leave/divorce you, or worse. And the fact that people's wants and needs change over time is no excuse. Because the assumption is that you own each other. Like any other property.

I'd like to challenge these assumptions and give my (admittedly Utopian) ideas for eliminating the idea of people as property.

(Continued here)


  1. I highly anticipate your continuance and look forward to your thoughts. This is a very intriguing topic!

  2. I believe it's truly impossible (or nearly so...maybe a rare chance) to find everything in one person, let alone for the remainder of your natural lives together! It's not impossible to love them...but that love changes I think.

    I have run into so many couples lately who love each other & have no intention of separating because their household works (kids or not), and they genuinely care about each other. However, for what is missing, they have decided to take other lovers, partners, friends, etc.

    They do it openly so it is respectful to the other spouse/partner. I can completely understand this as long as all parties involved are aware of each other and the circumstances/limits and rules of engagement.

    Look forward to more! :)

  3. You just opened a can of worms!! This is interesting.

    Even though I see myself as pretty much open, and enjoy the temporary situation I have with the open relationship (because I don't think it will last forever), I want one person to fulfill all my needs. I found that person, he's just not mine to start with. (see, even I want to own someone!!)

  4. I absolutely agree with Goddess! Open communication is essential. If you're not getting what you need from your spouse, you need to let them know.

    This actually worked wonders in my own marriage.