Friday Funny

I happened on this link:

The Most Awkward Gynecologist Visit Ever

...and it made me laugh out loud. Is it true? Who knows...who cares. It's funny. Click the link, or read below.

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am.

The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn’t going to be able to make the full effort.

So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.

I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn’t respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal...some shopping, cleaning, and cooking. After school when my 6-year-old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?"

I told her to get another one from the cupboard.
She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."

Never going back to that doctor again. Never.

Frequency and Cum Towels

Here's an article that came up in my Facebook feed, and of course I couldn't resist seeing what it said:

Here's How Much Sex You Should Be Having, According To Science

If you'd rather not click, the one-line takeaway is that you need sex once a week to be happy, according to a recent University of Toronto study.

The Sensual Goddess will be sure to bring this up when telling me how spoiled I am. And maybe once a week seems like paradise when you're used to much less. But I guess I am spoiled. I need more than that - significantly more.

Actually, we could easily contribute to a study on frequency of sexual activity. All you'd have to do is look at our laundry. JFBreak writes in his latest post:

When we were done with our post sex rituals (I know we aren't the only ones who keep a bedside table full of cumrags)....

That's us too. Maybe it's every couple. My bedside nightstand has a number of blue/green ex-dish towels that we now call cum towels. They're only used for post-sex cleanup, and the number of cum towels in any given laundry is often the source of good-natured banter about who's spoiled (or neglected, depending on the week.) The kids would *die* if they knew what those towels were for.

Those old green towels are getting fairly ratty though. Doing a quick web search gives me an idea for a birthday gift. A set of these seems perfect....

A Multitasker

Afterwards, the Sensual Goddess lay in my arms...snuggling...both of us enjoying the nice relaxed feel of our naked bodies pressed together. Finally, I got up to use the bathroom and get ready for bed. When I returned, she grabbed her pajamas and headed for the bathroom.

I lay in the dark, sated, when my phone buzzed...text message. It was from Younger Daughter at college. I read it. It didn't need to be answered until morning and I was too tired to start a text conversation, so I didn't reply. I saw I had a Facebook notification. Eh, why not...I tapped and looked.

Sensual Goddess changed her profile picture
18 minutes ago

Wait...she did what?!? She changed her Facebook profile picture...during our lovemaking...and I didn't notice???

When she returned from the bathroom, I complimented her on her multitasking ability. She was incredulous and grabbed her phone. It turns out there was an explanation that didn't involve secret Facebooking. She had set a temporary profile pic a week or two ago, and FB picked that moment to restore the previous profile pic.

Mystery solved. But she had me wondering there for a minute.

A Spinner

(No, not that kind of spinner)

As we were getting ready for bed last night, the Sensual Goddess turned and asked me:

SG: Do you know what a spinner is?

Me: In what context?

SG (laughing): You know what context.

Me: Of course. A girl who's small enough that while she rides your cock you can grab her legs and spin her like a propeller.

SG (laughing and shaking her head): How did you know that!?

Me (laughing): It's common knowledge. Everyone knows that.

Okay, maybe it's not quite common knowledge, but the Urban Dictionary agrees with me.

spinner
A petite woman. Denoted as a joke, whereby the petite woman is so thin she is able to be mounted and spun in a circle on an erect penis.
"She's a spinner."

She asked me how I knew of the term, and I had to think. It's been many many years. I'm pretty sure it was college or post-college, and one of my friends (a big muscular guy) would refer to petite girls as spinners.

I asked where she heard the term, and it was on an episode of the Kardashians. Go figure. I've tried to enforce a Kardashian-free zone on any room I'm in - but I can't be everywhere at once.

Who knows what those wacky Kardashians will teach us next?

A Lucky Woman

I love morning sex. Is there a better way to start the day? I can't think of one. So when I got you alone, I was as ready to go as you were.

I pulled you on top of me, enjoying the feel of our bodies pressed together...skin against skin.  I could feel the wetness of your pussy rubbing against my cock. Your hips wouldn't stop, and I knew you were trying to guide me in...but I wouldn't let you. Not yet. It feels so good...such a delicious tease...to feel you rubbing up and down against me.

Finally I let you lower yourself down onto me, and we both groaned out loud as I sunk balls deep into you. We fell into a sweet lazy morning rhythm for a while. Then we rolled over, and I moved between your spread legs. You're wetter then I could have imagined, and I slid in easily. You moaned that you were cumming, and it made me smile...and made me fuck you harder and faster...without mercy.

Did you cum once, and then again...and again? Or was it one long climax? Maybe you don't know...and It doesn't matter. When you finally started to come down, I moved you onto all fours and entered you from behind. You put your head down into the pillows as I plowed you.

I knew I was close and wouldn't be able to last much longer. And I didn't. I grabbed your hips roughly and thrust deep....groaning out loud...and shooting spurt after spurt into the condom.

I held myself there for I don't know how long...just feeling the sensations...my gasping breaths...your body backing up into me...your pussy squeezing me...your little moans of pleasure. Then I had to collapse, so I pulled out and lay down, bringing you into my wing. We laughed...and touched...fingertips tracing lightly over warm skin. And then it was time to go and get back to the real world.

As we were dressing, you turned to me and said, "The Sensual Goddess is a lucky woman." I laughed and agreed.

Naughty Elf

I'd like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and happy holidays. I hope everyone's been just the right combination of naughty and nice so that Santa will bring you something special.

OKCupid Frustration

The next few days were devoted to working on my/our OKCupid profile. The goals for the profile were three-fold:

1. We wanted to present enough about me and our relationship to let potentially interested women know what's going on. That we're investigating honest and responsible non-monogamy, and that I'm on the site with the Sensual Goddess's blessing and active interest.

2. We wanted to be clear about what we're looking for - a partnered/polyamorous woman who's looking for something extra in an honest and responsible way, but not looking to change her home situation.

3. We wanted to stay non-identifiable in case any of SG's single friends stumbled on the profile.

"Non-identifiable" was the hard part...especially the profile pic. I looked through years of pics, and finally found one I liked - a pic from a hiking trip where I'm in profile with a nice woods/mountains background. SG had reservations ("I'd know that's you immediately"), but we decided that while it might be obvious to very close friends, it would probably be fine for more casual acquaintances.

So we were finally posted with a profile pic. I was happy with what we had - I think it was clear about who we are and what we're looking for. We looked through matches together every night, and it was a fun game. I wrote some messages - and for the most part got no response. That wasn't a big surprise, as I'm sure the few women who identify as polyamorous/non-monogamous are *flooded* with interest.

A few weeks went by. We continued browsing, I sent some messages, got a few responses, had a couple of back-and-forth conversations...but nothing seemed to be going anywhere.

Frustrated and with a few free minutes at lunch one day, I took what we'd written on our OKC profile, put it into a few paragraphs, and posted it into the Craigslist "men seeking women" want ads. I'm a big CL guy for buying and selling things, but the "personals" section was new to me. I'd heard it's a cesspool of spam and scam artists, but it's free to place an ad, so what did I have to lose?

I liked that it was a text-only medium with no profile pic expected. If I got any responses, we could e-mail back and forth and get to know each other before exchanging pics.

I posted the ad - and within three hours had two responses that both sounded legitimate from real local women in the same basic situation.

(To be continued)

OKCupid Profile

(Continued from "The Search Begins", where the Sensual Goddess and I agreed to begin a slow and careful search for playmates for me.)

We created an account on OKCupid and began wrestling with what to say in my profile. Goal #1 was to be vague enough that I wouldn't be recognized by any of SG's single friends. While we're clear and comfortable with what we're doing, we'd rather not be "outed" and put SG into the uncomfortable position of having to explain what isn't anyone's business but ours.

On the other hand, staying too vague would result in an uninteresting profile. In the end, just to get something posted, I came up with a fairly plain vanilla summary, identifying myself as a polyamorous professional man here with my partner's blessing, looking for a like-minded woman. We skipped adding a pic of me, ignoring the multiple warnings that a profile without a pic would be dismissed by the matching algorithms to the lowest circle of hell. We'd think more about that later.

Now, with a bare-bones profile up, we could browse other people's profiles. This was fascinating, and great entertainment for both of us. Neither of us had ever been on any kind of dating site before, and we spent a lot of time poring over profiles and noting who was looking for what - not even looking for matches for me, just taking it all in.

Once we'd satisfied some of our initial curiosity, we started looking for potential matches for me. It quickly became evident that the overwhelming majority of women there are single and looking for a monogamous relationship. I hope they all find that - but how do I look for non-monogamous ladies looking for something in addition to their main relationship?

It wasn't immediately obvious, but I finally found the search criteria where I could search for women within a mileage range who identified as "non-monogamous". That filtered the flood of ladies into a small handful. But that's okay, those are my potential matches. We looked them over...not too promising a start. Some seemed emotionally damaged, and a couple looked just plain scary (I think SG burst out laughing and said "she'd hurt you!" I was thinking the same thought.)

But there were a couple who were attractive, not *too* far away, and seemed to be looking for the same things as me. I thought about sending a few messages. But no, not yet. I have to get my profile in better shape first....

The Perfect Gift

I just saw this on my Facebook wall. I'm sure it's making the rounds, and maybe you've seen it by now. But just in case you haven't, it's good for a quick laugh.

Just in time for your holiday shopping too.

You're welcome. :-)

The Search Begins

My last post ended with the Sensual Goddess and I agreeing that we should begin a slow and careful investigation into finding potential sex partners for me.

JFBreak comments that I've just won the lottery. That could very well be true. I know that I'm a lucky guy in many ways, and I know that getting to this point is something way beyond most guys wildest dreams. But nothing's happened yet, and it may never. There's a long distance between talking about something and making it real.

Frankly, it feels in some ways like walking on thin ice. I have used the words "slow and careful", haven't I? Yes, I see I have, repeatedly. And that's how it has to be. This is a new thing for both of us, and the goal is to enhance things (for both of us), without detracting in any way from what we have. Is that possible? I think it is...but I could be badly mistaken.

I'm happy and grateful that we've been able to have these conversations. If nothing actually happens as a result, that's fine - it's still exciting to think about.

Now, having decided that we should investigate, how is that done? Some reading of people's experiences showed OKCupid as a common thread, so we downloaded the app, and started to fill out a profile for me.

Ugh...it turned out to be way harder than I thought. What do I say? How do I describe myself? How do I describe what I'm looking for?

(To be continued)