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Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Woods Porn

This Lamebook post made me laugh out loud, and brought back a lot of memories. If you'd rather not follow the link, here is the Facebook post in question, with two replies (with a few grammar and spelling corrections.)
Anyone who was a kid in the 80's and 90's will remember the park porn fairy.... No? Come on, you must remember when you were 10 years old and you went to the park and you found half-torn-up porno mags in the bushes left for you by the park porn fairy. I think since the advancement of broadband, the fairy no longer exists.
  • "Woods porn". I always thought that one day I'd go buy some porn to leave in the woods for the next generation of kids to find, but I never got to complete the cycle. Little fuckers have it all at their fingertips now.
  • LOL. Finding park porn when you were a kid was more exciting than digging up a treasure chest full of gold. Nothing could beat it, until you tried to get it home by hiding it up your coat sleeves and walked in like an astronaut and your mom would find it and take it away from you.
This matches my own youthful experiences *exactly*. When I was a boy, there was a patch of woods near my house that was probably a mile square, and me and my buddies knew every inch of those woods. It was very much a Tom Sawyer childhood - roaming the woods, building tree forts, playing "capture the man"-type games.

As in the above posts, sometimes we would find a batch of porno mags - and when that happened, whatever activity we had been doing was instantly forgotten, and a mesmerized devouring of nude women began. It was absolutely more exciting than digging up a treasure chest full of gold

The magazines that we'd find were always one of three types: Playboy, which thought of itself as classy - with real articles and tasteful nude shots. You might get a glimpse of bush, but they were more artful than erotic. Of course this was better than nothing...but "artful" was not appreciated by 12-year-old boys.

Next there was Penthouse, which was my favorite by far. The nude shots were erotic without being trashy, and the Penthouse Forum letters were my first exposure to written erotica - something I *loved* from the first, and have never lost my love for.

At the bottom of the ladder (or the barrel) was Hustler. Even at the age when any porn was great porn, I knew this was trashy. There was no pretense at the erotic, it was women with their legs spread wide. Granted, this was endlessly interesting at that age...but I knew from my Penthouses that the air of erotic seduction was more interesting than "let's see how wide I can spread my legs."

A question none of us ever asked was whose porn we were finding, and how it got into the woods? Thinking about that now, my only guess is that we must have found some older kids' porn stash. All I can say is they weren't too careful with their porn, because we made many such findings over the years. And we never ran across any older kids angry about their missing magazines.

The thought of planting some porno mags in the woods for the next generation of horny young boys is a charming idea - passing on my youthful good fortune, and keeping the cycle going. But, for better or worse, I think the days of "woods porn" have gone the way of the horse-and-buggy.

2 comments:

  1. My "park porn fairy" growing up was a kid who'd bring in Playboy and Penthouse magazines and give out torn-out pages to friend and stranger alike. It was more of a schoolyard porn fairy now that I think of it.

    -Jack

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  2. I found some weather-beaten porn at the beach last month and it brought back so many wonderful memories. for our neighborhood it was always found under the bridge by the creek. Never more than one magazine at a time, but every summer we found a few. Thanks for the memory!

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