Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Twenty Years Ago Today
The realization brought up memories, both sad and happy. Sad, obviously, because of how the relationship and the marriage ended. In hindsight, I realize that I went into it hopelessly innocent and naive. It was my first real relationship, and I see now that I was trying to follow in my parents' footsteps...young, full of high hopes and good intentions, and blissfully unaware of the rough road ahead. But while I'm sad about how it ended, I've long since stopped beating myself up - maybe I didn't always handle things as skillfully as I could have, but I tried my honest best.
But there are also memories from that day that still make me smile. And that have nothing to do with my ex-wife.
The wedding was a standard formal wedding - a church ceremony in the afternoon, followed by a reception at a hotel banquet hall. When the reception ended, people were still in a charged up and celebrating, so we continued the evening in the hotel bar. The drinks were flowing, and everyone was dancing, and I became aware that my new wife's girlfriends and co-workers were looking at me in a way I had never been looked at before - with undisguised lust.
The realization hit me like a bolt of electricity - that these hot young things were looking at *me* that way. I guess the day had gone so well that they were imagining themselves as brides, and I guess I looked pretty good as a bridegroom. Whatever the case, I had a few drinks in me by that point, and was having decidedly non-faithful thoughts just hours into my new marriage.
Of course I didn't follow up on any of the smoldering looks being flashed my way. I was Mr. Straight-and-Narrow in those innocent days - my imagination was as wicked as ever, but I don't think there was any possible way I would have acted on my wicked thoughts - on any night, let alone my wedding night!
I look back on that night with a smile as probably the high-water-mark of my desirability as a man - the one night in my life when I had a roomful of hotties wishing they were the one with me. I don't say that with any bitterness - I'm infinitely more comfortable with who I am now, and wouldn't go back there for all the money in the world. But I'll admit I had many a fantasy of how I might have taken advantage of things that night. It's a fun memory.