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Sunday, May 15, 2011

An Exciting Discovery

My post last week on confidence with the opposite sex made me think about my own journey, the way I viewed the world while growing up, and the most liberating discovery I made along the way.

Your thoughts go a long way toward creating your reality, and as a teenage boy, the thought I had about women and sex was that they didn't enjoy it. And not only that, it was something a proper lady didn't really think about. So I imagined that they would be disgusted with me if they knew what I was thinking (and my imagination and drive, considered "wicked" by some even today, was absolutely out of control in those hormone-soaked teenage days.) And since I was very much the "good boy," the thought of a girl looking at me in disgust and saying (or even thinking) "you're a pervert" was just the most horrible thing imaginable.

I'm not really sure where those thoughts/beliefs came from. I was spared the misfortune of being explicitly told by parents or church that sex was bad/shameful. And I didn't get that as an implicit message either. Indeed, the message I got from my father was that sex was the best thing going, and I knew even then that my parents had a loving and healthy relationship.

I guess part of it was that there were no "sexual" women around me when I was growing up. There were all boys in my neighborhood (which was wonderful in that we always had a group to play baseball or run around in the woods, etc., but there just weren't any girls around.) And my mom, aunts, grandmothers, etc., were all warm and loving, but not remotely sexual. So I had no model of a sexual woman, and the thought that women had sex drives, and actually *wanted* sex, never occurred to me.

Even through dating and eventual marriage, the thought still persisted, and went hand-in-hand with my denying of my own sexuality.

My awakening finally happened in my mid-30's - an awakening that was both spiritual and sexual. I discovered, to my amazed delight, that women can have just as roaring a sex drive as a man. Not only that, but they might not only tolerate, but actually want, the same wicked things I want. This was an entirely new thought, and was world-changing (something akin to someone from the Middle Ages being confronted with the idea of a round Earth for the first time.)

The old thoughts were so deeply ingrained that the new and wonderful reality sometimes still surprises me a little.  As for being thought wicked, readers of this blog know that it now delights me.

9 comments:

  1. Yeah, amazing that we want wicked things too!!

    I think we all like Max, post mid-30's. :)

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  2. wow. just wow. i can really relate to this post. wow.

    i grew up the same way. mostly because of what i was being taught in my catholic school. sex was wrong. sex outside of marriage was a sin, never to be forgiven.

    this is why, i feel, that i have almost turned completely the opposite now.

    but even for me, i also thought that i was the only woman who could possibly be thinking the things i was and could possibly be as horny as i.

    i am not alone.

    great post.

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  3. Absolutely inspiring!
    I love wicked things!!

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  4. I can relate to your upbringing as I was also taught the same way. It took many years for me to view sex as something positive, beautiful and just liberating in many ways.

    It is nice to read these things from a guy's point of view - thanks for sharing it.

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  5. That's awesome Max. I mean that you finally found this out about women...and woke up to your own as well. It's amazing when we connect with the right person who shares this desire with us. :)

    p.s. You have 69 followers! Cool. :)

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  6. Thank you so much for sharing this with us, wicked Max. Loved it.

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  7. I can really relate to this. The notion that women don't really enjoy sex was all around me when I was growing up - from my religious grandmother, who thought enjoying sex was a sin, to my non-religious mother, who was embarrassed, or even a little upset, whenever sexual pleasure was mentioned or even implied. When I finally discovered lust and sex drive it was that of men - the dirty jokes in school were all made by boys; the porn magazines I found were my dad's.

    So, naturally, I felt ashamed of being what felt like the only girl on the planet who constantly thought of sex and who masturbated often and with abandon.

    My awakening didn't come until a few years ago... it doesn't matter though. I'm so glad it came. For you, for me, for others. We've arrived at a beautiful place, full of possibilities...

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  8. And how your unique brand of wickedness delights, Max. And then some... ;)

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  9. I'm glad you experienced your awakening. :) I'm certain SG enjoys it, too.

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